If he says “Cigarettes?”, when you ask if he smokes, then you’re probably on a date with a pot smoker. Sure, he’s adorably aloof, laughs super-hard at your jokes, and when he reaches for your hand, it’s often an endearingly sweaty one – but now things are happening. You two are on the brink of being in a relationship, and there are some things you should know about dating a free-spirited pot smoker:
1. Make sure you didn’t get the lazy pot smoker who doesn’t do shit. You want the I-have-to-smoke-because-I’m-overwhelmed-by-my-brilliance high-functioning stoner who has accepted weed as a part of his lifestyle and can manage accordingly (i.e. has a good job, is ambitious, works out, goes outside).
2.Count on him lasting a long time in the sack because even if he wants to prematurely ejaculate, he won’t because he’ll forget he has to! Repeat.
3. If you ask him to play with your hair, he’ll do it for a very long time. You’ll probably have to ask him to stop.
4. You’ll hear enthusiastic outbursts mid-dinner like, “Babe, I almost forgot to tell you! I did a handstand yesterday!!”
5. Expect unorthodox compliments such as, “That shirt looks good with your face.”
6. He will be two hours late picking you up from the airport because he’s stoned and on the way he decided to “find a new shortcut”.
7. What he lacks in money he makes up for in effort and thought. He’ll spend an afternoon at the Swap Meet agonizing over what to get; the belt buckle boasting your hometown or the multi-colored dashiki for your birthday. You’ll love either.
8. Prepare to hear a lot of music like Grateful Dead & Red Hot Chili Peppers. You guys? A lot.
9. He will assemble your IKEA dresser for you. You will go away for this. He will devise a strategy. He will have a process. It won’t get done fast, but it will get done.
10. Learn what a KFC “Double Down” is and why he needs it. (Key: It’s a bacon & cheese burger with two fried chicken patties in place of the bun.)
11. Forget everything you know about giving directions. Now, instead of telling him to “go right on Main” you’ll say “go right at the really big tree” or “left after the Donut Den.”
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