money Archives » The Impersonals

lemonade
Brian Boone

11 Easy Ways To Make Money In Your Own Backyard

in Home & Living | by | 02.08.13

In this economy, we’re all struggling to make ends meet. Here are some easy and creative ways that you can make some extra scratch around the house and around the neighborhood. • Sift your yard-dirt for minerals. Sell the minerals to passing ships returning from spice-procuring trips to the Orient. • Don’t “throw away” your [...]

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ortiz
Dan Duvall

Real World Resumes: Jason Ortiz

in Classyfieds | by | 15.02.13

JASON ORTIZ AKA: “O Dog”, “Hot Wheeeeelzzz”, “Young Trilly” (short for trillionaire) Objective To have my shit be lookin mad legit knowwhtumsayin? Experience “BLOCKER”  1997 – present Duties included: holdin it down, constant reppin of multiple sets, bein strapped 24/7, peelin wigs bag like it ain’t a thang, Frequent jay-walking DRUG DEALER 1997 – present Duties [...]

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Resume
Dan Duvall

Resume Of The Week: Ed Krap

in Classyfieds | by | 04.02.13

ED KRAP Objective: To obtain money that I definitely would never use for drugs or solicitation of sex trade workers. EXPERIENCE Warewolf 1975 – present Holistic Priest June 1987 – August 1987 Duties included: putting oregano into gel caps, chanting, wearing a poncho, abusing seniors Shoplifter 1991 – present Duties included: being sneaky, wearing a [...]

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forever 21
Jana P.

How To Shop At Forever 21 (at age 27)

in Fashion & Looks | by | 31.01.13

On the eve of my 27th birthday, I went shopping at Forever 21. Listen: I needed a new outfit (not true, I just wanted one, I suck), and I didn’t have a lot of money (totally true, and again, I suck). And I was like, it’s my birthday, I should be EXTRA pretty, and that [...]

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