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Adam Rensch

An Open Letter To The Celebrities, CEOs, And Wealthy Public Figures Yet To Magnanimously Pay Off My Student Loans

To those of you with a current net worth exceeding 50 million dollars: Recently I received a very amusing letter from the Department of Education that informed me, in no uncertain terms, that I am currently $126,000 in debt. While it is funny enough to consider the shear volume of physical space this amount could [...]

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Isaac Kozell

The Cool Adult’s Guide To Spring Break

in Uncategorized | by | 25.03.14

Being a cool adult is hard. While most of your peers are busy with “steady jobs” and “meaningful relationships,” you’re putting in real work keeping it loose and letting the good times roll. It’s like, when did everyone give up on getting turnt and decide to start slaving for The Man? We can sleep when [...]

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Nigel R.

Professional Hater Fred Phelps Is Dead

in Opinion/Editorial | by | 20.03.14

Pastor Fred Waldron Phelps is dead. He lived 84 hellish years, during which time he hurled abuse everywhere he went. He had few friends others than his awkward and brow-beaten family. So, as he winds his way to his paradisiacal Shangri-La, I suggest we reflect a moment on the life of this very bizarre and confused old man. [...]

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Amy Spiker

Hot! New! Magazines!

in Visual | by | 19.03.14

Tired of the same old magazines taunting you in the supermarket checkout? Desperate for some insightful articles that go beyond sex, beauty and guns? Feeling like if you don’t find something different soon you’ll end up driving into the forest and living the rest of your natural life with a family of foxes? Well, I’m [...]

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Daniel Carrillo

St. Patrick’s: The Day After

in Uncategorized | by | 18.03.14

Hey, you. Yeah, you; the dumbass that thought it would be a great idea to get shit-faced on a Monday night just because a saint that you couldn’t pick out of a lineup of one died centuries ago. News flash! Your name is Todd, and you work a 60-hour work week at a mid-level marketing [...]

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