What To Expect If You Date An Accountant

Good Things: stability; predictable haircut; calculating manner that can apply to other aspects of life in positive ways – for example, sex; always on time; will never cheat on you; not emotional and never loses temper; always goes to sleep at a decent hour; pays the bills on-time; deals with the annoying shit in life such as securing mortgages and talking to the banks; your parents will love them, as will your grandparents and great grandparents.

Bad Things: hyper-attention to detail; calculating manner that can apply to other aspects of life in negative ways- for example, sex; has no intention of trying to explain what he/she does; falls asleep at parties; inferiority complex at knowing that they’re much much better than you at calculous; you can never cheat on them as they seem to know everything; spontaneous only when blacked out or drugged.

Date Them if You: can’t figure out the tip at dinner; need structure in your life; are getting audited; have a fetish for debit columns.