How To See Through The Bullshit In Online Dating Profiles

“Philosophy is to reality as masturbation is to sex.” – Karl Marx

Sociological theory stresses the importance of concept versus reality – the concept of government, for example, is in reality just the people with the most guns. In the miss-miss-miss-hit-miss world of online dating, the rule is quite the same – in this case the concept is the profile – glossy photos depicting their ideal self, ‘about me’ essays describing the most perfect, well-rounded human in existence – and the reality is usually much different. This is the cause of much frustration amongst internet daters, as they bring concept-based expectations to the reality (ie. the date), and are invariably disappointed.

One way to avoid the concept/reality trappings is, when looking at one’s profile, try to imagine them in real life MAKING the profile (see figure 3.7) In concept they are strapping, confident, good-looking, pixel perfect. In real life, however, the picture gets much fuzzier. There they are, in the living room they share with three other roommates, in their undees and wife-beater, tapping out the profile. Sort of weenie-ish. This is who you will be meeting in real life, not the person in the profile.

In other words, you need to mentally go to the other side of the digital curtain if you want to know who and what you’re dealing with. This will be a handy exercise as time goes on and our digital selves multiply, Gremlin-like, but at the end of the day you are still just the physical you, sitting in your apartment typing out editions of you as your hot laptop battery burns into your crotch.