The Career/Love Trajectory: Why The Harder Women Work, The More Their Love Life Sucks

“It’s not fair,” my friend sighed just before pounding the rest of her vodka on the rocks. “The more success women have in their career, the more their love life suffers.” Interesting thought indeed. My friend is in her early 40s, is a VP of a major corporation and earns mid-six figures. Her love life, however, is a hot mess, and has been since she began her ascent. This made me wonder if career-successful men were the same. After all, they are subject to the same distractions: late hours, stress, lack of exercise, travel, prostitution in strange cities like Tuscon. I called a meeting of Relationship Mathematicians to put it to the test, and what we found is striking.

Here are some of the fine points to the equation. For control, we assume a career trajectory of unsuccessful, upon graduating college, to highly successful in old age.

In college, men and women are basically in the same place, both relationship and career-wise. Upon graduating their  love lives move in separate directions – hers climbs up, his drops down. This scenario is played out time and again in cities like New York, where men in their 20s are usually either drunk or working (or both at the same time), greatly inhibiting their ability to have a relationship. On the other hand, women at this stage are not as drunk, not working as much, and are desired by men in their 30s.

It’s not until their late 20′s do the guys start their climb, along with their career. This is likely due to their slow awakening from a decade’s long inebriated state, followed by a brief spell of boredom, followed by a desire to “get serious” with someone.  But for women, the trend seems to be the opposite – as their responsibility, hours, and pay increase at work, their interest in finding love wanes. “I’m concentrating on my career,” is a familiar refrain, as is “I don’t have time for a relationship.”

Aside from a brief but sudden drop for men in their early 40s due to a mid-life crisis, their love lives coordinate with their career trajectory into their old age. But as the woman continues her mercurial career ascent, her love life descends into an twilight-years nadir.

Seems my friend is right – it’s not fair. But relationship math rarely is.