Finally! Time To Masturbate!

At long last! That special hour of the night has arrived – no more TV, no more reading, no more folding laundry.

It’s time to masturbate!

Some people choose to do it before showering, right after work,  or even during work. Not me. I prefer to make it very last thing I do before falling asleep, serving as a reward for getting through the rigors of the day and a sort of natural sleeping pill.

Let me tell you, this path can be exceedingly difficult and takes a remarkable amount of restraint and discipline, but the reward is well worth it. You see, just as there’s a mental component to making love with a ‘real’ person, there’s a similar mind game I play with myself (ha!) which comes from holding out, all day, until the very last hours of consciousness. Thus, I estimate my orgasm is 11 – 23% better than my contemporaries who masturbate, say, before dinner.

Another benefit to this ‘finish line’ technique is you avoid the typical post-masturbation loneliness and depression, simply because you conk out almost immediately after.  This also circumvents post-masturbation embarrassment: whereas my contemporary might have to go out in public and get milk after his/her session, and be slightly self-conscious at the fact that he/she was just fifteen minutes ago gazing upon a hot-tub DP session, I just drift off into dreamland, where there are no judgments whatsoever.  You snooze, and you got nothing to lose!

Well, that’s about all I can say. I’ve held out so long tonight that my fingers are trembling, which is making typing rather tricky. So I’ll bid you goodnight, and – oh Christ. I’m out of lube.