How To Play The Jew Card When You’re Not Really Jewish

The Scenario: your date, who you like/want, is Jewish. You are half, quarter, or one-eighth Jewish.. Or you have no idea but suspect there was probably some Jewish action in your family tree at one point or another.

The Move: play the Jew Card by exaggerating whatever ties you have to the religion.

How to do it: when the conversation meanders to religion,  naturally and sheepishly drop the line, “well, I’m half Jewish.” You can do this even if you’re only the slightest bit Jewish, as explained above. The key is to make them think that you would convert, if need be, which who knows? Maybe you will.

Take it to the Next Level: sometimes just playing the half-Jew card might not be enough. If you have to explain yourself, say something like, “I’ve been kind of lost when it comes to religion, and I think it comes from this Christian/Jewish limbo my parents put me in.” Dramatic pause, then look them in they eye and say: “I would like to commit to one or the other.” Optional , holding their hand immediately before or after you say this.

Bonus Boost: if you’re a guy, and the mood is right, mention with a wink that you inherited “the best half” (Jewish men are said to be endowed). If you’re a woman, with a sexy smile say that you inherited only “the best” Jewish stereotypes (Jewish women are said to enjoy performing fallacio.)

Warning: this will be hard to pull off if you’re blonde (but by no means impossible).