How White People Date, Part 2

If you haven’t, read part 1 here.

#4 – They make mix tapes and CDs
ALL MY NON-WHITE READERS ARE LIKE “WHAT DOES DJ DRAMA HAVE TO DO WITH DATING?” HE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DATING, BUT WHITE PEOPLE HAVE A DIFFERENT DEFINITION OF MIXTAPES. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY MIXTAPE AND THIS IS WHAT A WHITE PEOPLE MIXTAPE IS ALTHOUGH NOWADAYS ITS USUALLY ON A CD AND IT’S USUALLY CALLED SOMETHING WILD CORNY LIKE “FOR RACHEL, WITH UNDYING LOVE.” OR “FOR WHEN YOU THINK OF ME.” THIS IS HOW WHITE PEOPLE PROFESS THEIR LOVE FOR ONE ANOTHER. THAT SHIT BAFFLES ME BUT YO, IF YOU AIN’T WHITE YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT THIS SO BE VERY CAREFUL. WHEN DEALING WITH A WHITE GIRL DO NOT BURN THE BITCH A CD, EVEN IF ITS A BOOTLEG COPY OF AVATAR. SHE’LL TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY AND POKE A HOLE IN THE CONDOM…(JUST KIDDING, ONLY BLACK BITCHES DO THAT.)

#5 – They’re aggressive
THIS IS ABOUT WHITE GIRLS, NOT WHITE DUDES. I DON’T KNOW WHERE IN WHITEOSITY THIS CAME FROM BUT THE ROLES GOT REVERSED AND WHITE BITCHES REALLY DO NOT GIVE A FUCK! THEY LAY ALL THEIR CARDS ON THE TABLE. IF IM UPTOWN TALKIN TO SOME PUERTO RICAN BROAD AT A BAR AND I’M MACKIN IT, EVEN IF IN HER HEAD SHE’S THINKIN “I WANNA BLOW THIS GUY IN A STALL RIGHT NOW MY PUSSY IS WETTER THAN NEW ORLEANS GEORGE BUSH DOESN’T CARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE” SHE WILL ACT LIKE IM ANNOYING UNTIL I PRY THE BITCH OPEN WITH SOME PATRON AND HENNESSY…MEANWHILE IF I’M AT A BAR WITH A WHITE BITCH BEFORE MY SECOND HEINEKEN SHORTY IS SHOVING ME INTO THE BATHROOM AND CHOKING ME WITH HER THONG. WHITE DUDES CRY AND DO MIXTAPES, WHITE GIRLS WILL RAPE YOU. THEY WILL ALSO ASK YOU OUT, NO FUCKIN PROBLEM. ANY OTHER SPECIES OF BITCHES WILL NOT ASK YOU OUT. NOT NEVER! UNLESS YOU’RE A PROFESSIONAL ATHLETE OR HAVE MORE THAN TWO COMMAS IN YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT BALANCE.