10 Thoughts That Go Through Your Mind on a Bad Date

Ah, bad dates. Time slows to a crawl, the drinks seem never to deplete, and the world stops turning. It is, in most ways, the worst kind of hell. Single Girl Blogging captured the essence of it with this story, and below we dig deep into the psyche with actual thoughts that go through your mind:

1. “Christ, I really am going to be single forever.”
2. “Please God, please don’t let anyone I know see us. Please please please please.”
3. “If I could just replace this turd with the hot bartender, everything would be hunky dory.”
4. “I’m way too hot for him/her.”
5. “Is this what it takes to have a baby by 33?”
6. “If he/she was 30% cuter, 10% less annoying, 5% more interesting and 13% more stylish, I would be in a lot less pain.”
7. “God those chicken wings look good.”
8. “Missing at this very moment: 30 Rock, Kardashians, the Mets vs the Pirates, and Anderson Cooper. Fuck.”
9. “No no no! I’ll never settle.”
10. “Sigh. Fine, I’ll settle.” *

*thought results in marriage 83% of the time