Opinion/Editorial Archives » The Impersonals

holy-grail
Adam Rensch

How To Gain Friends & Influence People: A Guide To Twitter Success

1. Be Ironic This is, perhaps, the most important tool to twitter success. Be ironic about anything and everything because nothing matters, especially not twitter, which is exactly why you’re spending 8 hours a day tweeting. This thoughtless, juvenile approach to life, one you’ve yet to outgrow, will be your life raft in a sea [...]

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Jason Ryan

Fun Internet-Quiz Results Roundup

Unless you’ve been living under a rock or have a “life” outside of the internet, you are by now well aware of the resurgence of the popular “which thing/character/whatever from pop culture are you?” quizzes popping up all over social media and clogging your Facebook timeline. Finally it’s no longer a secret which “Mama’s Family” [...]

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Alexa Kocinski

“Easy” Jobs That Are Hard For Me

Not long ago, I was jobless and flat broke. I wasn’t picky about my line of work; I was just aiming for steady money. I quickly landed something underpaid in a group home. Specifically, I was a Case Facilitator, which sounds important but is just a fancy-pants term for “sorting pills for the mentally unstable, [...]

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springtime
Nigel R.

Springtime For Putin

in Opinion/Editorial | by | 07.04.14

There comes a time in all great leaders’ lives that a musical is created to showcase their greatness. Annie did for Roosevelt what The Book of Mormon is doing for John Smith; Mutiny on the Bounty lifted Fletcher Christian to the crow’s nest of fame as Evita did for Eva Peron, whose stiff upper lip [...]

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jumper
Adam Rensch

An Open Letter To The Celebrities, CEOs, And Wealthy Public Figures Yet To Magnanimously Pay Off My Student Loans

To those of you with a current net worth exceeding 50 million dollars: Recently I received a very amusing letter from the Department of Education that informed me, in no uncertain terms, that I am currently $126,000 in debt. While it is funny enough to consider the shear volume of physical space this amount could [...]

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