Making Mistakes And Forgetting My Name: A Moogfest Story

Asheville is home to the Moog empire,  in case you don’t know who or what a Moog is, it is a brand of synthesizers made by Robert Moog. Every year they invite shitloads of electronic bands  to perform.

Here is a link to a video of a typical Moogfest show, so you can get in the right frame of mind for my tale.

Typical Moog

As per tradition everyone dresses up as their favorite character that they hold dearly to their hearts. Some of the costumes I saw this year included, David Bowie, Gnomes, and various slutty things.

This was my first year attending Moog and I decided to dress as my favorite pop culture character…Wilfred from FX’s Wilfred. It’s basically a grey dog onesy. You can see a picture of me below in said costume.


The costume got more attention than I anticipated. A lot like the costume I wore last year for Halloween that is depicted below.


Granted I looked adorable as a dog, girls were petting me and rubbing behind my ears all night as I played along. Sometimes people would grab my tail and I would either bark at them or shout in a boyish voice “That’s my tail, you no have!”… I have a problem with alcohol.

Later on in the evening after many beers someone offered me a white powder that reminded me of Fun Dip the way everyone was licking their fingers and plunging them into the small baggie. In my inebriated fat man-child brain I wanted the substance to be Fun Dip so bad that I thought “If I believe, it will be Fun Dip.” So I licked my finger and stuck it in the little baggy and shoved it in my stupid mouth and around my gums as I always do with Fun Dip. This was no nostalgic candy I just ingested.

It was ecstasy.

I have never taken ecstasy (aka Molly).  I don’t condone the use of drugs or even alcohol but come on… Druggies are onto something here. You don’t give up your friends, family and girlfriends for Smash Mouth tickets.

Shortly after placing the powder in my mouth I started to feel great. I forget about the concert and just wandered through the crowd touching people and being touched. What a joyous feeling that was.  A photographer came up to me and asked with his hands “Mind if I take a picture of you in your costume?” I nodded “Sure thing, Bud.” He took the picture and right after the flash I came out of the high that I was on and realized that during my tour de touching butts that I had excited myself.

So somewhere out there about to be published or already published is a picture of me in a dog costume all drugged up with an erection.

Thanks Moog.

Sorry Family.




Featured Writers

Ray Ramos

Ray Ramos

Ray Ramos is a writer living in Los Angeles who learned at a tender age that if...

Monica Heisey

Monica Heisey

Monica Heisey is a writer and comedian who splits her time between her hometown...

Jake Riordan

Jake Riordan

Jake went to college with Impersonals editor Matt Brand, and there was instant...

Jeff Wysaski

Jeff Wysaski

Jeff Wysaski is a writer, performer and 1,000-year-old dragon that engulfs his...

Listen to The Impersonals Podcast, feat. interviews w great tweeters