Week In Instagram Photo Filter Earlybird

This week was a week that had days in it. This week I had a headache every single day and Benny and the Jets in my head.

The correlation between the two is not proven but I have my suspicions.

This week I chose Earlybird as my filter and it is D A R K (in both a Vincent Price way and a who-turned-out-the-lights way). It’s safe to say that this is probably my least favourite filter -until black and white photo week of course when I throw myself in front of a bus because all my Instagrams are boring as shit. I’m projecting right now but I can tell it’s going to be a sad week, guys.

I wish these two would just fuck and get it over with. The sexual tension on this train was BLATANT and it makes me SICK. She, Violet Beauregarde (the Willy Wonka blueberry girl, hello?) and he, Earthworm Jim. When I posted this to twitter someone responded saying that Earthworm Jim was looking directly into the camera (which I didn’t even realize). I don’t mean to brag but I’m kind of an expert at taking photos of strangers and if you can imagine I haven’t been punched in the throat ONCE.

I feel like Earthworm Jim would have punched me in the throat though if we were alone. He just looks like a total murderer.

HEY, WHO’S THIS HANDSOME PRINCE? Sorry for the double cat photo (not sorry). He now has one black whisker.

In case you were concerned about the state of Francis’ whiskers.

If this filter wasn’t so goddamn dark maybe I would’ve been able to capture his precious black whisker.

This is diarrhea tea. I drink this tea because I want to live forever!

Anyway, this isn’t diarrhea tea (it tastes like diarrhea) it’s Matcha tea and I CERTAINLY don’t want to live forever. This tea looks exactly like it tastes (socks and diarrhea), but apparently it’s good for you. According to the Matcha Wikipedia page they use the whole FUCKING tea leaf and it contains more antioxidants than wolfberries!

I just looked up wolfberries and they literally look nothing likes wolves or dogs and are the polar opposite of ferocious.

Here’s something I left the house in. This outfit is 90% homosexual gypsy and 10% regular, neighbourhood gypsy. There are times I wonder why my bosses don’t banish me to a windowless area of the office. This was one of those days but I will say one thing: the Earlybird filter made this outfit tolerable.

This lady sassed the heck out of a Jehovah’s Witness at my bus stop. This JW is a regular, always with the pamphlets and doesn’t take “no” or “I’m Jewish” or “don’t touch me” for an answer. I’m pretty sure she was Italian and got all up in his face for his bus stop conversions.

ANYWAY that didn’t work because he was there this morning getting on everyone’s last nerve.

Should I have gotten her number?
Do nuns have cellphones?
Is this lady a nun?
Do I ask too many questions?


And yes, I was so hungry I ate this discarded peel.

Thanks for nothing Earlybird filter. You made my photos depressing and a discarded banana peel appear 40x more delicious.


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