"Rolling In The Deep (Of This Womb)" -The Second Blog From Adele's Unborn Baby

Monday 9:15am

Hello everyone!

Winter is coming and so am I!!! Can you even handle it? I’m so excited. This uterus is more crammed than a fishing boat full of illegal immigrants! LOLZ

Mum’s slowly but surely getting her voice back, which is great because it’s been so hard trying to fall asleep to her crying. I’ve been bottling up her inside tears though, so look for that on Etsy this fall.

I joined Pinterest this week! So far I have pinned sheep skin baby blankets, CATS and the tail on the donkey… HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (I hate myself.)

Tuesday 5:57pm

THAT was a weird meal. Feelings taste sad!

TTFN

Wednesday 12:39pm

No, mum. You don’t look fat is this muumuu. This muumuu looks PHAT on you.

I don’t want to be presumptuous, but bloody hell am I going to be adorable. I have a mirror in here (I crystallized some of the Etsy tears) and even though I’m all bloody and junk, I can tell I am going to have amazing bone structure.

Also I keep having this recurring dream where Suri Cruise is waiting for me, pointing a gun in my direction when mum pushes me out. She’s terrifying. Maybe I’ll shoot her an e-mail l8r being like, “hey, I haven’t met you. But you are CRAAAAZAY. So here’s my number, kill Carly Rae maybe?”

BB4N


Thursday 2AM IN THE BLOODY MORNING

I GET IT, MOM AND DAD. YOU ARE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO ONE ANOTHER. BUT THERE IS ALREADY A BABY IN HERE AND LITERALLY NO MORE SODDING ROOM.

I’m trying to blast Radiohead on my new iPhone5! That’s right, bitches! How did I get it in here? It’s pretty simple! All I did was- OMG SRSLY. STOP HAVING SEX.

Friday 9am

Coffee. I need coffee.

And that thing that Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones used in Men in Black to make people forget.

Saturday 10:15am

My bags are packed! Let’s get dilated in here!

Guys, I was thinking. IMAGINE if dad was a farmer?? A farmer in Adele? LOLOLOLOL. So stupid.

Did you guys watch Dina Lohan’s Dr. Phil interview? OMG. She was a pharmacy personified, right?? Thank you mum, for not being the worst. Lindsay: hang in there, gurl. Someone has to refill your prescription eventually, and then you can stop blaming “exhaustion.”

XOX

Adele’s Unborn Baby

 

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