Week In Instagram: Photo Filter X-Pro II

HI

This week I chose the X-Pro II as my filter of the week and boy was THAT a shitty idea. X-Pro takes your photograph and dips it in a dark, murky, shit parade. So I took my usual array of photos. Maybe one of a cat I haven’t decided how to present it to you yet. You guys get really fussy about the cat pictures and you need to fucking relax and stop sending me severed fingers in the mail.

I don’t have space for anymore severed fingers, guys.

Let me just do this quick and painlessly with a very subtle picture of Francis the cat and a very large head (that belongs to me). My cat (and very best friend) Francis follows me to the washroom every morning and watches me brush my teeth, stare at the toilet for 45 minutes and yell at birds through the window. Here he is creeping in the background on the window ledge while I drink coffee and scream at myself in the mirror.

Next is something special. This is a bag of garbage hanging from a telephone pole.

Why?

Because I work in this nice little area called Rexdale that’s WHY.

Here are a couple of my favourite excerpts about Rexdale from Urban Dictionary:

  • Also known as REX, located in toronto, etobico. dun go der
  • I have four cousins that live there. I Visit them every now, and then
  • Don’t go there. People get shot in that slum
  • I’d much rather deal with the “gangstas” from the Rex than the pretentious fucks from Wood-a-bridge
  • You just gotta treat ‘em like human beings

Anywho, I work in a piece of shit end of the city and I see a little bit of this:

And a lot of this:

Here’s the fun story behind this little, filthy Rexdale Q-Tip: I’m standing there waiting for my bus, smoking, staring (at no one directly in the eyes because it’s Rexdale and I would like to make it onto my bus in one piece). And it doesn’t help that it’s summer and the buses are on a summer route meaning roughly one bus comes every hour and I’m stuck in Rexdale standing at Kipling and Westhumber trying to keep my iPhone and iPod tucked away.

Which is total bullshit -I have both out on display the entire time.

Where was I? Right, grossest Q-Tip, so I squat down like an idiot to take the photo, take my photo, stand up and my knee ripped the earbuds out of my ear and they fell right onto the Q-Tip carefully nested beside a cigarette butt and a pile of sand. Did I put it them back in my ears? YUP! “cause i’m waiting for a bus, I take public transit regularly and obviously have no self respect.

My last photo is my 50-something year old Asian gym nemesis who is limber like a cat and a bit of a fucking show off. I’ve tweeted about her numerous times (one time). We have essentially the same routine except for whatever the fuck she’s doing here.

SHOWING OFF IS WHAT SHE’S DOING! I’m not bitter. She’s the only reason I get to the gym at the time that I do so I can sprint ahead of her and get the good treadmill (the one positioned in front of the tv switched onto the Food Network and in front of the fan and beside the door to the pool so I can judge the fats)

 

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