Week In Instagram: Photo Filter Valencia

I’m kind of a piece of shit and love the heck out of Instagram. So, because I’m such a giant pile of human excrement I need to share my Instagram photos with people who choose to not use Instagram in the first place.

Seems fair.

Anywho, this week we’re checking out my week through a Valencia filter. (hold on while I look up Valencia) Ah, it’s a city in Spain with 809,000 inhabitants. Splendid.

This beast was on my morning bus and he had the most delightful braided rattail. I could literally smell his greasy follicles from under his nifty blue bandana. The more I look at this photo I realize that he missed a little bit of hair on the lower-left quadrant of grease mountain and it’s just sitting there flapping.

This was a man that decided to use the ladies room at the coffee shop I stop in on my way to work. All I’m saying is that I’m irresistible and literally everyone wants to listen to me urinate.

A fork! Upon taking the photograph I didn’t see that the prongs were stained so someone was using this fork for a bowl of SpaghettiOs® or fork-stabbed someone literally SECONDS if not THREE MINUTES before I found it pathetically laying on the sidewalk.

I’m going to call this braids ‘n butt. I cropped out most of her butt because I’m a human with ass-compassion, okay? Medusa was blocking my view and I seriously considered tugging on a braid every few minutes to figure out the current bus situation.

This is a rare photo of the haunted colon hydro therapy sign.

YEAH I DO SPEND ABOUT A THIRD OF MY LIFE ON PUBLIC TRANSIT -so here’s the Prince of Dick eating a banana at 8:00am. I should mention I have an enormous staring problem. Like, you know when people are like “do you have a staring problem?” I would nod a thousand times and probably not apologize.

Where was I going with that?

AH, this guy had a MASSIVE staring problem that blew mine out of the water. There was a lad holding three pizza boxes on the same bus and the Prince of Dick was sitting there with his jaw dropped, eating that morning banana and staring at his pizza boxes which were, yeah a little weird. But whatever this guy should not have been wearing a poor boy cap.

No one should wear a poor boy cap.

Featured Writers

Joel Ingersoll

Joel Ingersoll

Joel Ingersoll is a Clevelander living in exile in Saint Paul, Minnesota with...

Elle M

Elle M

Elle is a theoretical land bridge connecting Siberia and Alaska that sank into...

Roger Taylor

Roger Taylor

Mr. Taylor is a freelance aphorist available for both corporate retreats and...

Ray Ramos

Ray Ramos

Ray Ramos is a writer living in Los Angeles who learned at a tender age that if...

Mike Primavera

Mike Primavera

Mike Primavera lives comfortably off his family's pasta fortune. In his free...

Listen to The Impersonals Podcast, feat. interviews w great tweeters