Freaking Out With The Kardashians: How America's Getting Lazy With The Cheez Whiz

Recently, Kris Humphries has made claims that Kris Jenner staged Kim Kardashian’s sex tape to generate publicity for their hit E! show Keeping Up With the Kardashians.

Is this news? Not really.

Is this important? Yes. But for all the wrong reasons.

Sure, the thought of a staged sex tape is unappealing to some, maybe many. I know a lot of people will feel hurt or betrayed by this revelation. I can’t imagine the shame that young men everywhere will feel after realizing the sex tape they spent hours masturbating to was nothing more than a fraudulent Hollywood-backed porn no different than every other Hollywood-backed porn they’ve spent hours masturbating to already.

Talk about feeling violated.

When you consider the wealth this family exudes, it’s not unreasonable that an amateur sex tape should involve a film crew, gaffers, lighting technicians & a craft services table. This isn’t your typical trashy teenage romance experimenting with the latest updates to their webcam while railed on crystal meth. These are people that can afford to kill hookers simply to snort coke off their asses.

Bad lighting? Let’s re-shoot the Reverse Cowgirl scene. “This time let’s try it out on the veranda. And Kim dear, would you please give it a little more passion in this take? When this scene opens you are about to accept this man’s cock into your mouth! Act like you WANT it!”

“Yes, Mother.”

“And…ACTION!!”

Really. Who wants that? This is America, dammit! And we like our porn like we like our Wrestling: RAW! At its worst, this wreaks of Mommie’s Dearest. At its best we get to see how creepy this family really is. There’s no dignity within this little clan, just soulless rats that fuck for money. And that’s not pornographic. That’s prostitution.

Do we make a big deal out of this? Or do we forgive and forget? I don’t know. It’s not really up to me. I’ve seen the video. Approximately 372 times according to my browser history. I don’t know if it was staged or not. I’m no expert, just a well-informed viewer. The lighting was fine & the camera angles left a bit to be desired. But most important, the closing credits were an awkward mistake leading into the bloopers & outtakes.

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