Rappers like to do a whole lot of bragging in their songs. Hearing these “thugs” going on about their high SAT scores and respect towards women is truly getting old. In this case, high SAT scores and respect towards women is actually referring to money and hoes. It’s like okay, we get it rappers: you have a lot of cash, you like to make this cash “rain” on learning disabled strippers, and you make love to copious amounts of women who come from a variety of ethnic backgrounds. The message has been conveyed. But in all seriousness, feel free to make millions more of the same songs which entail boasting about money, jewelry, guns, women and drugs. The rest of the white community and I thoroughly enjoy and “get down” to them.
In this midst of all the rappers’ boasting, a majority of them are inclined to making the most outlandish of claims. I’ve heard some of the most ridiculous, arrogant statements, which are clearly false. In fact, these claims are so ridiculous that I feel the need to delve in deep, and truly analyze some of them in order to point out how absurd they are. Enjoy.
7. Future in Gone to the Moon: “I smoked a box of blunts for breakfast.” - Doubt it. Seriously Future; you’re trying to tell me that you smoked a BOX of blunts for breakfast? That is a load of bologna. And what even is a box of blunts? You mean like a box of five Dutch Masters, horrid-quality cigars? Or did you roll a bunch of blunts using marijuana and fill the Dutch Masters box? I’m assuming that this is the point you’re trying to make in the process of all your mumbling. And if you did in fact smoke a box of marijuana-filled blunts, you actually had enough carelessness toward nutrition to skip breakfast? I know you’re smarter than that. Quite
frankly my good man, I am not buying it.
6. Young Jeezy in Ballin’: “I bought the phantom just to take a nap.” – I’ll give it to you Young Jeezy, you have a large sum of money my friend. However, there is no way even a gentleman of your financial status would purchase a $300,000 car solely for the purpose of taking a nap in it. I don’t believe you, and it takes an extreme level of audacity to make a statement as farfetched as that. Me: 1. Young Jeezy: 0.
5. Lil’ Wayne in S on my Chest: “I got old money, coulda’ bought a dinosaur.” – I don’t know if any of you guys are aware of this, but Lil’ Wayne isn’t much of a history buff. All of that cough syrup you’re sipping as a beverage is messing with your brain, Weezy. There’s a probable chance that your money is pretty old, but dinosaurs have been extinct for quite some time. Chronologically inaccurate, bro.
4. Wiz Khalifa in Erryday: “Hundred broads, that’s everyday.” – Come on, Wiz Khalifa! (That’s a silly name) You’re trying to lead me to believe that you make love to one hundred women on a daily basis? I’m no cardiologist, but I’m fairly positive that your johnson would look like a small pile of uncooked ground beef after just ten rounds of intercourse with those ladies. Plus, don’t you smoke a pound of weed a week? You must be more flaccid than a 90 year old man staring into the eyes of Satan at this point.
3. Lil Wayne in We be Steady Mobbin’: “Got 10 bathrooms, I could shit all day…” – Yea, a likely story. And thanks for the gruesome visual, you ass. I really wanted to picture a dreaded,face-tatted bridge troll taking a dump while I’m trying to enjoy my Tyson’s breast nuggets.
2. Terry Kennedy, a.k.a TK, in Tattoos and Jewelry: “I got a(n) ice age around my neck!” – Ice age is the series of glacial episodes during the Pleistocene period. It was probably never around your neck, nor will it ever be.
1. Rick Ross in Ring Ring: “Crib big as Turnersville so you know we rich forever.” – For those of you who don’t know, Rick Ross is referring to the Turnersville Auto Mall in New Jersey. It covers over 70 acres of space. Rick Ross must refer to his gastrointestinal as his “crib”, because there’s no chance that his house comes even close to 70 acres in size. I think we can all admit that Rick Ross falls under the category of “Boss”, however, he also qualifies for “Obese Liar.”