Summer time is here and you know what that means! Hit the streets, show some skin and make sure to keep up with the latest trends!
1. No need to buy new shorts, just cut an old pair of jeans! And the shorter, the better! (TIP: Flip the front pockets inside out so they’ll be safe from the scissors and will still hangout lower than the fringe! Also, lower buttcheeks are the new ass cleavage.)
2. Don’t wear a bra. Women sweat only from their nipples. (Look it up on wikipedia, I just added it)
3. Skip the lipstick and use a Crayola marker. It will last all day and comes in a variety of colours. Also, won’t come off from eating, drinking, or mid-day fellatio.
4. Tanlines, tanlines, tanlines.
5. Condoms on a hot day aren’t good for a males anatomy, so poke a few holes to help air it out.
6. To curb the dreaded “humidity hair”, wear a trucker hat with your favourite metal band’s logo that you’ve never heard of.
7. Constantly complain about how hot it is. Dude’s love to brag about their air conditioned condo.
8. Apply bronzer in the area between your breasts to make them look larger. Blend the colour upward and outward, creating a V-shape and along the natural curve of the breast. Also, add three to five layers to your face for a natural look.
9. Public parks are a great place to get some sun and pretend to read a book. Guys love smart babes (but not too smart to make them feel inferior) so use big words incorrectly, giggle when they correct you, and compliment their biceps. (TIP: put pictures of yourself inside the book to keep yourself less distracted by all that literature.)
10. Is it a tube top or a tube skirt? Buy two and wear together!
11. Line your purse with saran wrap for a convenient place to vomit after a long day on a patio. (with easy clean up!)
12. Buy your clothes 2 sizes smaller because you’re bound to lose weight with all the outdoor activities you plan on possibly maybe doing, probably.
13. The louder you are, the most fun it looks like you’re having.
14. Drink 8 glasses of water a day. Or 32 glasses of sangria.
15. The only hair on your entire body should be on your head. Or accidentally in the back of your throat.