Antique collector searching for ’57 Chevy with 2 full headlights & nice trunk space. No fatties.

10 speed bike for sale. Only used twice, some rust. Ask for Fred.

You: Drunk at the Thirsty Beaver Saloon, cross-eyed w/ buck teeth. Me: Drunk at the Thirsty Beaver Saloon, willing to fuck anything.

Career Opportunity: Do you like to talk on the phone? Comfortable in new environments? Flexible schedule? Want to make a lot of money fast? Get paid to smoke pot!

ROOM FOR RENT: Duplex near bus station with room for rent $300 + 1/2 utilities. 420 Friendly. Serious inquiries only! No fatties.

LOST: Pit Bull Terrier. Answers to the name Taser. Scars on nose & cheeks, highly aggressive. May still be wearing broken chain leash.

Roommate Wanted: Male seeking male roommate. Must sleep on the couch, pee sitting down & tolerate strange, inexplicable noises from the bedroom. No fatties.

FOUND: Pit Bull Terrier!! Had to be tasered due to aggressive behavior. Has scars on nose & cheeks. Was only wearing a broken chain leash!! Contact Tito at the liquor store.

Career Opportunity: Warehouse seeks forklift operator with multiple personal issues, possible drug or alcohol problems, previous work history must be inconsistent & scattered with multiple periods of unemployment. Tattoos a plus.

Women Seeking Women: You: Drunk at the Thirsty Beaver Saloon, cross-eyed & buck teeth. Me: Drunk at the Thirsty Beaver Saloon, bi-curious & willing to fuck anything.

Persona Hombre Con Ajardine Experiencia….muy importante para tener los problemas de droga y alcohol. No legales y no grandes!

Like to travel? RV for sale. $200 OBO. Engine has been stripped for parts, axles have some rust. Also used as a meth lab for 6-8 months.

Cell phone chargers for sale. $5 each or 3/$10. Will trade for blowjobs. Inquire within white van behind Dollar General on Thursday.

Speakers for sale: $50 each, will trade for crack. Inquire within white van behind Family Dollar on Tuesday.

Now Hiring: DANCERS!! DANCERS!! DANCERS!! Exp. preferred but will train! Must have daddy issues, young children & history of abusive relationships. Photo I’d req. No fatties.

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