Please terminate your current relationship if your significant other has searched any of the following during your time together:

“Symptoms of full-blown AIDS”

“How to get over an ex”

“How to get over an ex after 2 years”

“How to get over an ex after you’ve both dated other people and haven’t spoken in three years and they have deleted you from all forms of social networking and you can’t seem to track down their number or new address but you know they still love you and their name is starts with an R and ends in a Y there’s a A in the middle but I can’t tell you why.”

“How to kill yourself and make it look like a murder at the hands of your significant other.”

“How do you know if you’re a hermaphrodite or if ‘it’ is just larger than the average female’s”

“How do you spell hermaphrodite”

“What’s the best angle to take a picture of your junk with your cell phone camera to optimize length”

“How to delete your cell phone history”

“Possible celebrities to imagine when having sex with your wife”

“How to use someone for sex then manipulate them into feeling bad for you to subtly remove yourself from the situation.”

“HOW TO: Home adult circumcision.”

“How to get out of a lie. When the lie is your loveless marriage.”

“How to ensure your significant other does not track down your Google search history.”

Featured Writers

Alexa Kocinski

Alexa Kocinski

Alexa Kocinski is a writer from Minneapolis who has made three valiant attempts...

Maura Quint

Maura Quint

Maura Quint is a writer who received the silver medal in the '88 Calgary...

Thomas Green

Thomas Green

Thomas Green is a writer, podcaster ("Wrestlefolks: The Podcast" on iTunes), and...

Jake Riordan

Jake Riordan

Jake went to college with Impersonals editor Matt Brand, and there was instant...

Nigel R.

Nigel R.

Nigel's ability to comment on himself is deficient at best.

You can find him...

Listen to The Impersonals Podcast, feat. interviews w great tweeters