Oh, hi there. Well as you can see from my photo I absolutely love babies and children of all kinds. I’m not like the other men out there that I’m sure you’ve dealt with – commitmentphobes terrified of married life and children and mortgages and monogamy. Men who just want to lure you into a date with promises of romance when really what I want is a quick lay to add to my list of online conquests. Nope, not me! I love relationships. And babies.

I’ll take you out, get to know you, and make sure you’re a respectable girl – after all, I’m so eager and excited to put a ring on it and impregnate you and make all your dreams come true, I need to know that you’re no trashy ho. What’s that? You have a half naked photo on your profile with your spray-tanned fake tits popping out of your bikini? Not a problem. I’m super duper open-minded and, as long as you’re wholesome-ish on the inside, I’m totally willing to accept your slutty ways.

Oh, you’re confused because my profile says I’ve never been married and don’t have kids, yet in my photos I’m having a fantastic laugh with this child? I won’t tell you this until a few dates in but this isn’t my kid. Hell, it’s not even a niece or nephew. I borrowed my neighbor’s kid for a few so I could snap some pics to throw on my profile so you would know I dream of Bugaboo strollers and 3am feedings just like you. Of course I asked the neighbor permission – what kind of guy do you think I am? Just a guy who loves babies.