What do you do when your usually normal friend wishes to turn “The Biggest Day of her life” into “The Biggest Day on the lives of each person that surrounds her”?
When the Bridezilla does this: complains that she’s broke, but is planning a wedding for 300 people that includes a giant fondue fountain and an ice sculpture:
You want to say: “Maybe if you weren’t feeding an entire town with salmon and fancy truffles and getting a wedding cake that costs more than all the electronic equipment that I have in my apartment, you could have money to pay your credit card debt.”
What you should say: “Have you considered a smaller wedding? That is your choice and it’s completely acceptable, the wedding is only one day anyway”
When the Bridezilla does this: turns into the girl from The Exorcist because you didn’t reply her 100th email that presented 15 options for wedding dresses.
You want to say: “I feel asleep on my keyboard after dress #35, and 15 of them look the same to me, why don’t you save us some time and effort and elope?
What you should say: “I have chosen my Top 3: dress# random, random and random. But I think that you should just look at them and pick the 1st one that you feel drawn too, choose with your heart.”
When the Bridezilla does this: throws a tantrum worthy of a 5 year old that wants ice cream before dinner when you can’t fly for 10 hours and spend $2000 for a weekend so you can be at her wedding, because you’re studying abroad, in finals, and broke.
What you want to say: “Not eating for a month in order to be at your wedding doesn’t sound like an attractive option. You are more than welcome to pay for my plane ticket and hotel so I can be there. If you could also pay for my rent, that would be lovely.”
What you should say: “I’d love to be there and witness that magic moment in your life, but unfortunately we’ll have to celebrate in the future . Visit me with your husband! I’ll show your around.”
When the Bridezilla does this: tells you that you should get over your break-up that happened a week ago, and wants you to listen to her list of 50 pros and cons of each potential brides’ maid dress colors:
What you want to say: “Although you think that right now the sun looks small next to you because you’re the center of the universe, it would be nice to acknowledge that other people exist, and surprise! They have problems too: wars, famine, and Kim Kardashian are only a few of the 1000000 problems that are bigger than deciding which dress color matches your complexion and doesn’t make you look pale.”
What you should say: “I’d appreciate some support right now since I’m in severe depression, after you help me feel better and convince me not to drink my bath tub cleaner, I’ll help you choose the flavour of your cake.”
The good news: most Bridezillas go back to normal. I was afraid and sad that I’d lose my friends in a sea of fancy chicken dishes, expensive icing, white table clothes and puffy dresses, but in the end, their original selves were still there and made a comeback after the wedding.
Latin girl living in Toronto. Wannabe writer since I was 12. English is not my first language but it has proven to be better for expressing my sarcasm. I love standup comedy (and it’s my dream job). Also love Chelsea Handler, Seinfeld and reading comedy/memoir and Harry Potter like books. Believe it or not, during the day I work doing data analysis.