“Cool Metal”. “High Endurance.” “Aqua Reef.” The various iterations of men’s deodorant have the very best names in marketing. But there are many types that, for whatever reason, are cut before making it to your armpit. Fortunately we were able to gather the lost ones before they  drifted away, like a cakey white antiperspirant residue disappearing into your axilla. What do you think these smelled like? (thanks for the help @singlegirlie and @kramediggles)

Black Sweat

Northeast Repression

Catholic Guilt

Arctic Mindbath

Atomic Wedgie

Sweet Ocean Hotdog

Icy Snoticles

Moist Towelette

Forrest Mold

Flacid Boner

Winter Depression

Cabin Fever

Fresh Debt

Cool Hubris

Crushed Oxycontin

Very Clean Socks

High Performance Sex

Smelly Vegan

Model’s B.O.

Burning Garlic (ie. Vampire Repellant)

Grumpy Grandpa

New Car

Minty Dentist Office



Featured Writers

Alexa Kocinski

Alexa Kocinski

Alexa Kocinski is a writer from Minneapolis who has made three valiant attempts...

Maura Quint

Maura Quint

Maura Quint is a writer who received the silver medal in the '88 Calgary...

Thomas Green

Thomas Green

Thomas Green is a writer, podcaster ("Wrestlefolks: The Podcast" on iTunes), and...

Jake Riordan

Jake Riordan

Jake went to college with Impersonals editor Matt Brand, and there was instant...

Nigel R.

Nigel R.

Nigel's ability to comment on himself is deficient at best.

You can find him...

Listen to The Impersonals Podcast, feat. interviews w great tweeters