Change is weird. We all want it in our lives to some degree,  yet so few of us actually do the work of changing, even the ones who devour self-help books and talk your ear off about “responsibility for your actions” and “the power of the decision.” What it really comes down to is the placebo-effect: if you make yourself believe you’ve made a big change, you will feel better about yourself, even if that change is actually tiny or even not a change at all. This in mind, we’ve come up with a few ways you can make yourself feel as if you’ve altered your life in some meaningful way with the least possible effort. Just try not to think about the fact that you most definitely have not.

1. Rearrange your wall art. So, so simple, and yet it seems like you’ve moved a universe. Take that Led Zepplin tapestry you’ve had since tenth grade and put it over there. Move your depressing fake fern over to that corner. Rearrange your vanity plates that cryptically spell out Steely Dan songs. Seeing life a little differently now, eh? That’s what I thought. You’re welcome.

2. Stop wearing that thing everyone says you look stupid in. Oh yes, we all have that item of clothing we’re convinced looks swell on us, but when more than one person vocalizes to the contrary, odds are high that you’re not doing yourself any favors. So whether it’s the overpriced guido-ish leather jacket you want to get your money’s worth from or a pair of gaudy knee high boots that make you look like an elf, drop that item and feel the sweet change.

3. Use 20% less emoticons. This might be the hardest one for some people, especially if you’ve recently gotten hooked on this cute guy :p But when you occasionally restrain and use words instead, you will gain a sense of accomplishment, akin to quitting smoking.

4. Eat all the crap that’s been sitting in your pantry for a year or more. You went to Trader Joe’s and, being the cheapskate you are, bought all the inexpensive-yet-organic garbage you could put your paws on, resulting in a cupboard full of weird stuff like ‘simmer sauce’ and microwaveable rice pilaf. One night, open up that nasty $2buck chuck bottle of red (that you also bought ten of from TJ’s) and eat all that neglected junk. You’ll puke, but will know that you’re sort of making a difference in your life.

5. Get published! Leave thoughtful, intelligent comments on this site. Nothing says “I’m not a nobody” like leaving comments on blogs, especially a cynical one like this. Why not ring in the new year with a three paragraph, mostly positive review of this post. You won’t get that half hour of your life back, but you’ll be published.