Barbie Crotch [bar-bee crotch] (n.)
Referring to the Mattel, Inc. produced Barbie doll. Specifically, referring to Barbie’s lack of anatomically correct lady parts. In dating, barbie crotch is a term used to refer to a woman who has not had sex in a very, very long time. In other words, referring to the fact that she probably has no openings to complete the act of coitus because they have all grown over and closed.
As used in everyday conversation:
“What are you talking about you are hard up because you have not gotten ‘any’ in three weeks! Honey, I’ve got a Barbie Crotch going on here it’s been so long!”
Synonyms:
Cobweb Crotch, Multiple-Cat Owner Cat Lady
Related to:
The Cobweb Cleaner [cob-web cleen-eR] (n.) The lucky/unlucky (depending on the situation) man who ends a Cobweb Crotch’s dry spell.
Antonyms:
Bella Prostituta, Sarah Palin
You have finally made it out of the womb: a bloody little beast wailing away because you're pissed as hell that everyone around you is crying, smiling, and snapping cameras in your face. "Where's the penis?" a man says who you later find out is actually your father. "Why is there so much blood! She is too bloody!" squawks the woman who you later find out is actually your mother. A man in a white coat is telling everyone you have a yellow-skin condition called jaundice. The pleasantly plump woman who is your Grandmother is applying ruby red lipstick, eating a cupcake, and tickling your feet. "Hear that? jaundice! You're a yellow baby! A yellow baby!" First, you've got the wrong genitalia, and then, you're too bloody and too yellow. Your slobbering mouth is already pining for a dry martini. Sam is co-creator of Impersonals. She lives in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and produces TV commercials and digital video campaigns when she's not moonlighting as a startup entrepreneur. She does not know how to ride a bike, iron, or use a can opener, which results in a lot of taxis, dry-cleaning and takeout.
I read somewhere recently that the term “the barbie” is used in the plastic surgery industry to refer to the type of labial surgery that makes the woman’s pubic zone most resemble the smooth creepy crotch of a barbie doll. Sad.