Bad date idea: avant-garde anything

Getting a date is a lot of work. Between getting the number, waiting, following up, waiting for them to call you back, getting depressed because they don’t call you back, becoming elated when they do call you back because their better thing didn’t work out, it’s difficult to muster up the energy to go on the actual date. But muster you must, because if you drop this ball you will back on the bench. Picking the right ‘event’ might seem like a no-brainer, but as anyone who’s been on a miserable date before knows, a bad one can be absolute hell. So instead of focusing on the positive and giving you a bunch of lame ‘fun date’ ideas, we’ve outlined a few of the bad ideas to avoid.

1. Avant garde anything - while the pleasures of watching a Stan Brakhage film after smoking a medically municipal joint are undeniable, bringing a date to a bizarro event in which he/she might get hit in the face with processed meat products is bad idea jeans.

A better idea: go to a revival film at your local art house cinema. It’s different but not frighteningly so.

2. Readings or lectures - here’s a question for you: ever gotten that ‘tingly’ feeling at a lecture or reading? Didn’t think so. That’s because they are utterly UNSEXY. You might contest this with the ‘learning is hot’ axiom, but you are wrong. Readings are the perfect thing to go to alone, and the perfectly wrong thing to go to with a date.

A better idea: go to an aggressive poetry slam. This is a non-passive version of the above, and will definitely get the juices flowing.

3. Face-to-face dinners - if anyone caught the first episode of this season’s Mad Men, Don Draper goes on a blind date. He takes her to dinner at a fancy restaurant; they’re both dressed impeccably. The scene is suffocating and painful, mainly because of the tense energy that surrounds face-to-face dinners. You’re stuck on a little island, held at the mercy of your waiter who is usually pretty terrible. They are tolerable when you’re in a longer relationship, but insufferable in the early days. Avoid them at all costs.

A better idea: eat at the bar. The service is better and you’re not forced to stare at them them whole time. In fact there’s usually a mirror, in which case you can catch glimpses of your beautiful mug all night.

4. Art galleries – while there’s something disarming about walking around a gallery and reacting to art together, there’s conversely something rearming when you come across a piece of penis art. What is penis art? It’s a piece of art with a penis in it (see above image for a very good example.) Surely there’s got to be some exhibits that are sans penis art? No. Every single one of them has the penis surprise – often when you least expect it. Stay away from those galleries, at least until she’s seen yours/you’ve seen his.

A better idea: Art Bar in NYC. There’s nothing arty about this dump but it has a great happy hour.

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