nuke

Dating is a rollercoaster – just when you think you’re onto something good, it suddenly gets bad, and sometimes even gets worse. By now you know you simply have to accept this pattern, but just in case we’re pulling together lists of scenarios for your referral. A
dd your own in the comments.

It’s Good if

..but Bad if

and WORSE if

They take a philosophy class.

It’s really a head shrinking self-help type class
disguised as ‘philosophy’.

They’re taking it because they’re miserable at
relationships!

They volunteer.

They make you feel like a lousy person because you don’t
volunteer.

They volunteer as a hospice worker and smell like dead
people!

They have a dog.

They are obsessed with the dog and completely spoil it.

They let the dog sleep on the bed with you, so getting it
on is either impossible, awkward, smelly or all the
above!

Your parents like them.

Your parents like them more than you.

After you break up, your parents continue inviting them
over for holidays and gatherings!

They like going out to do fun things.

They keep bringing you to weird events, like clown
festivals.

They bring you to clown festivals because they have a
secret life as a clown!

They are an actor, burlesque dancer, or some sort of
performer.

They’re self-absorbed egomaniacs because they think
they’re on the verge of ‘making it big’.

Dating them entails being their manager, cheerleader,
mirror, and equipment roadie!

They have a healthy sexual appetite.

They’re into ‘sport’ sex.

You throw out your back or pull a hamstring trying to
compete in their sport sex, and while you’re on the injured reserve they get
another player to take your place!

They introduce you to their friends.

Their friends are annoying.

Their friends think you’re annoying too, and persuade your
date to dump you!

They write a blog as a creative outlet.

They have a false sense of importance because they get ten
comments per post.

Their blog gets extremely popular because they’re posting
the intimate details of your love life!

You met them on the internet and you seem to like each
other.

You keep seeing them as ‘active’ on the same dating site
you met them on.

Even though you were just seeing if they were still on,
they keep seeing you as ‘active’ on the dating site you met them on, and you
both get jealous and never talk to each other again!

 

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