Spandex— O, Spandex!
Ne’er a more resolute creation be;
If she cougar or teen, or any age b’tween
Sharing giftly shape of asses and thighs so lean

O, Such joys of manhood!
To gaze upon such utter perfection;
A Muse’s inflection to such steely erection
Flogging thy rod shall have no further mention

Woe— But woeful men are we!
Prisoners to the shackles of feminine form;
We cannot reform, so we cruise by the dorm
A glance at beauty to awaken thy inner storm

Hark! But what comes forth?
Harpied beast rife with gunt and cellulite;
To give such horrid fright, of visions so un-right
Should not be paraded into public sight

A law— A writ shall there be!
Against Spandex on the ugly and obese, I bring;
So heed this warning, as you wake the morrow’s morning
Fat chicks shall have Spandex never more adorning.