What is this new thing with guys, that they are obsessed with getting head? Seriously, we aren’t 14 anymore. What’s with all this middle school
horseplay?

They’re all like (in a dumb man voice), “Yeah, I’m easy. I just like head.”

And then I’m all like (in a really pissed off voice), “Oh really, cause I just want to have sex….cause at least when I’m having sex with you I can pretend like I’m having a good time.”

When you’re giving head, there is no pretend time. You’re pretty pissed there is a penis in your mouth.Sometimes I’ll even pause during the act of and be like, “Hey, you. Yeah, I’m talking to you. See this face. See it? Remember this face. This is not a happy face.”

I’m like a five year old that’s just been told they have to eat all their vegetables.

“Nuh uh – you’re going to have to pry my mouth open, mother fuckers.”

Yeah. That’s right. I said motherfucker when I was five.

(Five bucks this is the one post my dad accidently reads on my yellow legal pad that I leave EVERYWHERE in my parents house. He will not be a happy camper.)

Anyhoo…it’s not like I’m all “I only like it when guys go down on me and my lady junk.” Fuck that. I hate it. I don’t even want to know what you guys are thinking about down there. Your thought process never makes logical sense in the matters of lady
junk.

“Well maybe if I put this…there.”

“Don’t…don’t do that.”

“Whoops…sorry…I thought that made sense.”

“…that will never make sense.”

I’ve never, NEVER had a good/decent/normal experience down under.

Yeah that’s right. I’m talking to you. I will never understand why you thought that was a good idea.

Ever.

So, as a single white female, I say ney, hot dudes, ney. Let’s grow up and just have sex. No more hand stuff. No more mouth stuff. Just good ol’ fashioned. Nitty. Gritty. Sex.