Salt Lake City, UTAH — Calling it the most significant technology for got-no-game men since the dawn of internet dating, Sony today announced the release of the NumberGrabber 3000, an electronic device that manipulates satellite and wireless data to capture and store the phone numbers of desired mates.

Developed by a team of NASA engineers found on Craigslist, the NG3000 instantly eliminates the timeless yet painful ritual of asking a girl for her number. “When trying to meet girls, you can only be cool up to a certain point,” said spokesman Walt Schley. “At the point in the conversation where you ask for her number, you get nervous and mealy-mouthed, causing you to sound like Scooby-Doo. The NG3000 is a tool that lets you avoid an uncomfortable situation and cut right to the chase –from the comfort of your own home.”

Not surprisingly, the NG3000 spawned a cottage industry of add-ons and gadgets, including a rubber NG3000 case, a belt holster, and liability insurance.

Price: $499.99 ON BACKORDER