walk-of-shame

Ok so you’ve had a one night stand. Again. Big deal, you’ll repress this one just like all the others, after a boozy brunch with your pals and an afternoon nap. But – uh oh! – your accomplice thinks he/she is sticking around for the morning. Maybe even the day. Worse case scenario, even another night! You’re cornered and need to think fast, but since thinking fast is not something you do well, you flounder. And suddenly your Saturday/Sunday of freedom is severely hamstrung. Luckily,I am here to help with this handy list of ways to get your one night stand out of your apartment and back on the street where they belong:

1. Your parents are coming over – this would be an awkward situation to end all awkward situations. Mention an “any minute” visit by your mom (if it’s a girl) or dad (if it’s a boy), start the stop watch and see how fast they scram.

Karma risk – low. Your parents most likely lied to you in the past, so you’ve got a few free passes in that tank to use at your disposal.

2. Work – even if it’s Sunday, you have a BIG project due on Monday. Pretend to go to the office and walk them out – do NOT say you’re working from home, as they are prone to stick around with the promise that they won’t bother you.

Karma risk – low. Likely, your work takes advantage of you, and more than likely underpays you. Therefore you can most certainly use them for a nifty lil’ white lie.

3. Volunteering – this one’s a double whammy. Not only will you look like a saint, but most volunteer work takes place on the weekend so it’s totally plausible.

Karma risk – high. You might want to donate a few bucks online after this one. And if you pass a homeless guy on your way to Dunkin Donuts, drop a few coins in his cup just in case.

4. Therapy - saying you have to see your therapist is perfect, especially you don’t want to see the other person again – they’ll think you have ‘issues’ (which you do) and go running for the hills.

Karma risk – medium. In fact, you might actually want to drop by the shrink instead of pulling a U-turn back to your place.

5. Church / Temple / Meditation – this powerful card works best for atheists who don’t mind using the Almighty as a cheap excuse, but might not be good for believers or even semi-believers who in all likelihood will burn in h-e-doubletoothpicks for it.

Karma risk – see above: low for Atheists, high for believers.

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