Texting is such a blast – a modern take on the telegram, you send cute, pithy messages back and forth in a sort of linguistic dalliance. It’s also a challenging medium to express your real thoughts and concerns, and as tempting as it may be we must control the urge to let it all hang out on SMS. Below are a few you wish you could send to that special, or unspecial, someone.
You have finally made it out of the womb: a bloody little beast wailing away because you're pissed as hell that everyone around you is crying, smiling, and snapping cameras in your face. "Where's the penis?" a man says who you later find out is actually your father. "Why is there so much blood! She is too bloody!" squawks the woman who you later find out is actually your mother. A man in a white coat is telling everyone you have a yellow-skin condition called jaundice. The pleasantly plump woman who is your Grandmother is applying ruby red lipstick, eating a cupcake, and tickling your feet. "Hear that? jaundice! You're a yellow baby! A yellow baby!" First, you've got the wrong genitalia, and then, you're too bloody and too yellow. Your slobbering mouth is already pining for a dry martini. Sam is co-creator of Impersonals. She lives in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, and produces TV commercials and digital video campaigns when she's not moonlighting as a startup entrepreneur. She does not know how to ride a bike, iron, or use a can opener, which results in a lot of taxis, dry-cleaning and takeout.