Williamsburg, Brooklyn – Disregarding his vanilla blandness and lifetime of safe choices, boring derivatives trader Kyle Crenshaw determined yesterday that his type is an edgy, hip, almost-gothic woman, according to a statement. “Piercings, sleeve tattoos, vegan, bad attitude, multiple hair colors – that’s my jam,” said Mr. Crenshaw, who wears pleated khaki slacks and blue button down shirts almost every day.  The statement represents a dramatic strategy switch for Crenshaw and drew a sharp contrast to his position last month in which he claimed corporate lawyers to be his type. The Connecticut native, whose music choice is “everything” and food preference is chicken, plans to frequent the edgy coffee shop, bar, and health food store in his neighborhood, and will start by hitting on the people working there.

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