BOSTON, MA – A Bay Village man’s one-night-stand became painfully uncomfortable Friday when an unexpected sleepover prevented him from flatuating all night, authorities said. Sources revealed that Brad Winsaw and Kelly Frank entered Mr. Winsaw’s apartment at 12:36, copulated at 12:40 and were done by 12:47, after which Mr. Winsaw immediately fell asleep. He was awoken at 1:30 by the rumblings of flatus in his large intestine, when he realized Ms. Frank was still there. “I tried doing a quiet one, but you know how sometimes those are the loudest? That’s what happened,” he told reporters. “Luckily she didn’t wake up.” He dozed off, but awoke again at 2:21 with an even more urgent need to expel gas. Again, he forced restraint. The process continued at least eight times throughout the night as Ms. Frank slept, blissfully unaware of his extreme discomfort. The victim is reportedly seeking a permanent girlfriend who will accept his farts for what they are.

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